Regular advice to actors is never appear with children or animals. While conducting Baptisms, it’s clearly inappropriate to follow it. At least where the children are concerned. The animals, in the case we’re about to discover it’s a snake, is more arguable.

Many of the regular congregation had wisely stayed at home. There’s a real difficulty about getting to the Church as the authorities have dug up the  junction on two sides and closed them for a month. Why? Who knows? And once there, the heating has been giving trouble although the building was warm enough this morning.

However, the Minister would have been pleased to see the Christening party. It was large and comprised of the two children being christened, six godparents and the extended family with many small ones in hand. The older child, a boy, had brought a friend. It was green and wiggly and perfect for dropping over the front of the pew as the sermon progressed. His younger sister was awake in her pram and cooing loudly. She soon had the covers off and tiny feet in perfect slippers were waving in the air.

Most of the wee folk headed out to the toilet attached to their parent of choice, but as that included the young man of the day, it was considered a good thing. He’d be fine for the actual baptism.

Only he thought he’d go again. Just as the congregation began the baptismal hymn. One of the godparents performed his first duty by winkling the boy and his mum from the toilets in time for them to join his Dad and sister at the font.

The Minister managed most capably and did in fact succeed in baptising the child, but not the snake. However, just as he breathed the proverbial sigh of relief, little sister got hold of the radio mike. Whether it is smeared with child friendly syrup before baptisms, we haven’t been able to establish, but proceedings faltered. She too was baptised eventually. The congregation sang. Dad left the Sanctuary. The Minister raised an eyebrow and Dad came back onto the Sanctuary.

The Sacrament completed, Dad removed his tie. The snake was last seen slithering into a bag. What a lot the stay-at-homes missed.

That would be the sermon. Calvinism and the six paradigms, I think. The theatre was most engaging.

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